mo·tive /ˈmōdiv/ (II)

I don’t think I can ever get used to how gentle God is with me. I know that using the word ‘gentle’ to describe God goes against the idea many people have of Him, but it is true. He is gentle and kind, yet firm. Truly, He is a good father.

The fatherhood of God is a concept that may be hard for some to accept. Perhaps it could be because some earthly fathers (biological or non-biological) haven’t been the best point of reference. Others are just used to the authoritarian view of God as described in media and old tales- a God so high and mighty, merciless and out of touch with the reality of His subjects, executing anyone who falls out of line with His dictates. But that is not Him.

Since the last blog post I made, I have been trying to understand who and what shaped the view of God that I have. As expected, it dug up a lot of emotions in me but I’m just glad I didn’t have to do it alone. I’m glad I don’t serve a God who sends me to a naughty corner until I get my act together.

In the last post I wrote;

 “…I subconsciously expect a reward or some validation… at least

But I don’t get anything. In fact, it’s almost as if He intentionally goes quiet and In those moments,

there’s this slight pinch of rejection I feel.”

and one day, as I was reading that post (for the hundred billionth time lol), I got to this part then I felt the Holy Spirit ask me “Is that consistent with my character?”. It is important to note that this question didn’t have a sarcastic, angry, or disappointed undertone. It was simply a question – one that invited me to understand more about my Father. This is the beauty of a relationship.

I realized that it truly was not consistent with His character, but I still wondered why it seemed like He intentionally went silent. Then one day, as I was drifting into sleep, it clicked. I had an epiphany and I woke up, quickly grabbed my journal, and wrote it down. Before I go into that, let me share a scripture for context.

³⁸ As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 

³⁹ Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 

⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

Luke 10:38-40 (NLT)

Take note of the highlighted phrases

⁴¹ The Lord answered her, “Martha, my beloved Martha. Why are you upset and troubled, pulled away by all these many distractions? 

⁴² Mary has discovered the one thing most important by choosing to sit at my feet. She is undistracted, and I won’t take this privilege from her.”

Luke 10:41-42 (TPT)

I realized that the silence I experienced was caused by a disconnect from my end. Not because He stopped speaking, but because I wasn’t attuned to Him at that moment. My heart posture shifted from rest to striving. Distracted by my need for approval, validation, and perfection, there was no way I could be attuned to His heart. God wouldn’t punish me with silence. He is even more willing to communicate with me than I am to listen!

On the need to be perfect, I am choosing to let God break me out of that mold I’ve put myself, and let people put me in. I’m learning to accept that I don’t need to strive for His approval. He has approved of me already, validated and loved me the most that I could ever be loved. I mean, what do you think you could ever do to earn the love of someone who has loved you longer than you’ve existed? 

“…I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
    With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.

Jeremiah 31:3 (NLT)

Now I understand that God doesn’t wait to love a future version of me -the version that has it all figured out. He loves me right now, through the process, and it is that love that empowers me to become all that He created me to be.

Hey Siri! Play Jireh by Maverick City Music! 😉